When I had Elli I was 19 and lived at home. I was a single Mom and because I was so young I got the “is that your sister?” “You need to be on birth control so that doesn’t happen again.” “Where is the mother?” “You must be a slut if you had a baby that young.”
I delt with that for a long time. Everyone asking questions and giving me weird looks when I went out. I tried not to let it get to me but it did. And it was a pretty hard time in my life. I had only ever held a baby one other time in my life and going from that to having my own was a big adjustment for me.
Luckily I had family who helped me so much. I got crap for that too. If I didn’t take help I was told I should and if I did I was told I wasn’t taking care of my responsibility.
When I had Nora everyone kinda cooled off with the young mom comments but I still got the “you aren’t married you need to be put on birth control so that doesn’t happen keep happening” and the “oh you have two under two that must of been a mistake” and “your messing up yours, Allen’s, and Elli’s life’s by having another so soon.”
Now that we are married I’ve been asked several times when we are going to have another. And I’ve everyone acts like because we are married now it’s okay to have as many babies as we want.
I’m sorry but how many kids we have and when we have them is nobody’s business but our own. If we want 5 more kids then that our business. If we don’t want anymore that’s our business. I don’t care if your family or some cashier at Walmart it’s our business and only our business.
Elli wasn’t planned and I’m okay with that. She may not of been planned but she always has been and always will be wanted. Contrary to everyone’s belief Nora was planned. And you can give me as much shit as you would like for that but it’s none of your business. I remember telling people when we found out we were expecting her and people said things like “you ruined your life” and “your stupid for not being married first”. I love Allen and I always have. We talked about marriage before we got pregnant with Nora. A long time before it. So just because we kids were involved before were got married doesn’t mean we are less capable parents.
I love that our girls got to be part of our wedding and I’m young when I had them. Because I can still chase after them. I wouldn’t change a thing about when I had the girls. Being a younger parent and not being married when I had them doesn’t mean I don’t love them and try and take care of them the best possible way I can.
I understand the stigma of teen parents and younger parents. But age doesn’t define a good parent. I’ve know people where were 35 before they had kids and worse parents then a 16 year old who dropped out when she had her kid.
That’s another thing that gets me. There is this big thing that people seem to believe if you didn’t graduate you are a terrible parent. Guess what guys I didn’t. And it had absolutely nothing to do with my children. I dropped out long before I had kids. I dropped out at 16 because of severe depression and anxiety. And the people who tell me I need to go back and get an education for my kids don’t know me. I was miserable in school. And if I ever went back I’d be miserable again and that’s not something that’s good for my children to see. They notice when I’m upset or hurt. And I’m sorry but not graduating doesn’t make me any less of a Mom or a person. I and I’m just as smart as someone who did.
Sorry if this became more of a rant but I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I know a lot of people who are younger Moms so I thought it might be able to help someone along the way.
Anyway, stay beautiful Mommas! 👌🏼