I have never been comfortable in my own skin. Well I have a few times but I’ve always gone up and down in weight. I’ll start to be okay with how I look then I gain a few pounds and I feel horrible again. I’ve done this since I was probably 11. But I kind of leveled out a few years before having my kids. This was me before having either of the my kids.
I was definitely not okay with my weight then but stayed the same weight give or take a few lbs from like the age of 16-18. I had Elli at 19 and with stress, anxiety ,and just being a new parent I went down to my lowest weight in years. I loved how I looked at that time in my life but I was far far far from healthy. I hardly ate, I had panic attacks, I broke my wrist, and my thyroid was acting up. This was what I looked like then.
I felt like I looked the way I should but I sure didn’t feel good. When I’m depressed I don’t eat. Not because I don’t want to but because I’m constantly sick. I had pretty bad postpartum depression after I had Elli. And in those pictures it had taken over pretty badly. People who don’t have kids don’t understand that being a new parent is hard. Your thrown into this new world of late nights, no showers for days at a time, not being able to eat, screaming at 2 am, and basically becoming a zombie. It takes a toll on the body. And my body didn’t take well too it at all the first time around.
After I had Nora I didn’t go through postpartum depression, I was less stressed, and I was honestly in one of the best places in my life that I had ever been. I felt pretty good other then being emotional all the time (thank you breastfeeding hormones) and I thought I was doing good with my weight. These are how I look now and after having Nora.
Obviously I’ve gained weight. No matter how I eat I gain weight. Unless I just don’t eat then I’d end up in the hospital with low blood sugar. So that wouldn’t work. I’ve officially acquired the “mom pooch” and I hate it. None of my clothes fit and I feel like I can’t control it if you know what I mean. Somedays I feel like I look okay and others I just want to stay in my pajamas so you can’t see how fat I am. My husband hates when I put myself down. And I hate doing it. I hate feeling like I’m gross or too big. I just wish I could see myself the way he sees me. He’s the only man who’s ever truly made me feel beautiful. If I get dressed up and I feel nice about myself he’s always telling me I look beautiful and that I need to dress like that more often so I feel good about myself. I feel like most women go through some sort of rough patch after they have kids weather they feel like they have gained too much and can’t loose it or they feel like they didn’t gain enough and have lost too much. Either way we all still are beautiful and need to keep reminding ourselves of this. I need to work on reminding myself of this more often.
Anyway stay beautiful ladies! 💗💁🏼