This topic is something I feel like isn’t talked about enough lately. But I feel like its somethings that should be. All you hear in school is about body parts, condoms, and abstinence. But I’m going to get real in this blog today so if anyone is offended feel free to march your cranky butt right out of here.
I feel like there are three types of parents the ones who talk openly about sex with their kids , the ones who hide it behind closed doors and say it’s a horrible thing before marriage, and the ones who ignore the subject completely. Anyone wanna take a guess at what parents I had? The ones who kinda didn’t talk about it. I pretty much learned everything from my friends and the internet. I remember a friend telling me what sex was in 3rd grade because I had no idea. I remember asking her and her telling me and just being so confused. After that I don’t really think anyone ever talked about it again tell middle school. Then is when the pressure of sex hit for me. I know what you are thinking 12 or 13 that’s too young. And you are very right is is too young. I remember going from elementary school and playing on the play ground to middle school and kids talking about sex and boyfriend and girlfriend and parties. I remember looking things up online because I didn’t know what they were.
I remember wanting to lose my virginity because it seemed like the cool thing to do. I remember feeling like the only person who didn’t have a boyfriend. High school hit and a lot of the kids at my high school were having sex. Or at least the ones I knew. I had boyfriends on and off but nothing really serious. When I dropped out of high school because of my depression and anxiety issues I remember not being worried about boys or anything for while. But after I started feeling better and being better I started dating again. This time was a guy who was a few years older then me (I’m not saying his name because I feel like that isn’t anyone’s business) and I was 16. I felt pressured to have sex with him. Mostly because I thought he would leave if I didn’t. We talked about it and I had said I wasn’t ready. So he left me. Said I wasn’t mature enough for him. We didn’t talk for awhile and then he messaged me one day saying how sorry he was for leaving for that reason. We got back together and at this point I was 17. We talked again about it and I finally just gave in. Why? Because I knew he would leave again if I didn’t. Stupid reason but I was 17 and thought I was in love. I wasn’t but thought I was. One night we had sex. And honestly it was just that. Sex. I felt no emotional connection to him. Didn’t feel happy or sad. I just felt blank. I remember thanking “was that really it? Did we really just have sex?”. He then proceeded to fall asleep on the floor, go home, then message me on Facebook and break up with me because we moved too fast. I remember crying. Like not sure why he was doing it. I thought it would make him want me. It didn’t.
Let me tell you something I never felt an emotional connection with someone during sex until I met my husband. Never. It was just sex. And honestly that’s not a good feeling. The feeling I have with my husband is amazing. (Sorry if family is reading this but I said I was gonna get real.) It’s something special.
If your a teenager and your being pressured don’t do it. Wait. Wait until you are ready. Not your mom, her mom, your sister, or the boy person pressing you you, wait tell you are ready. Because sex is a big deal and it should mean something. If it doesn’t you shouldn’t be doing it. I’m not going to sit here and say I regret losing mine because I don’t it’s been part of my past and that past has lead me to where I am today but I wish I had waits until I found the person I loved and was ready myself. Because at 17 I wasn’t ready.
And if you think you are ready ask yourself these questions?
Are you ready for a baby?
If no, then you shouldn’t be doing it. No birth control is 100% except abstinence guys.
Have you thought about birth control?
If no, you aren’t ready.
Do I really love him/her?
No, then guess what you shouldn’t be doing it.
Am I doing this because because everyone else is?
If yes, then no you aren’t ready.
Do you trust your partner?
No, then definitely don’t. Trust is so big guys.
Are you doing it just so they will stay with you?
Yes, then nope just put your pants back on girlfriend.
Are you going to regret it later?
Yes, just say no then.
Do you know if they have been tested for STIs?
No, then out your pants back on again because I don’t think you want one.
What are your expectations?
Trust me this may seem stupid but it’s not. I had such high expectations my first time and it sucked. Tell him what you expect. Because you will be hurt if it’s not what your expecting.
Anyway, all I am saying is wait. Just be ready in your own time. I don’t care if you 18 or 99 just do you and when the time is right it will happen. I wish my parents had talked more about it because I think if they had I probably would of been more open with them about it. I never told them when I started having sex. I felt like it was my business. Not theirs. Talk to your parents be open. If you can’t be that’s another sign you aren’t ready for sex.
It really is so much better when you are in love. My first time with my husband was amazing. And it meant so much to me. It was like that wall I had built up with sex was finally gone and I was letting myself be with someone in that way and letting all my feelings into it. That might be cheesy but it’s true.
Anyway, this is already a long blog. So stay beautiful guys! ❤️